how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Sorry about my life...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
