so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
