i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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