just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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