tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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