you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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