I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
