she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
