I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
