Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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