My nipple is on Facebook.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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