two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
