I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
