The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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