A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
