So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
