I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
im on a boat
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