I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
