you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
