I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
