Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
