Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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