Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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