tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
