after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
