I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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