May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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