so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
