so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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