he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
