I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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