The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
