2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Farmville is her only friend.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
