so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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