i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize