I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
