mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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