Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
