8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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