shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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