I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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