she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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