i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize