Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
