But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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