i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
