I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
