Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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