Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
