Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
