Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
