we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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