i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
