Betty ford says i'm here all night
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
