Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
