He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
