I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
