Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We are all done wearing pants today
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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