You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
