You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You ate ashes out of my bong
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
