i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize