I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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