did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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