My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
