her vagine was all disorganized.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
