I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize