I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
