I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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