I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think your dad took our porno
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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