i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
