6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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