I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
