i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
