Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
