loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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