I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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